Riding high

High. Riding on the crest of life. Feel like the ocean free to move, to flow. The tides have changed. The days of self pity and anger have gone, swept into the sea of change. A fresh, fragnant breeze is coming in. And waves of laughter, good cheer and better things are rolling in. I wanna surf the waves, spread my hands and embrace the waves of new things that are coming my way. The tides are changing and the currents fortell only good things.

Seductive rhythm

When my body meets the night they dance.
There's something seductive about the disco lights,
They free my inhibitions.
I run to meet my lover, the dance floor.
My body starts to shake, moving to the rhythm.
My curves kiss the music not wanting to let go,
Because this kiss is deep making my toes curl,
And my body trembles.
The music seduces me with its sweet taste,
Leaves me begging for more.
The night runs swift like a Kenyan runner,
Am left wanting more,
Aching to dance some more.
Shake those hips, move those legs and swing those arms.
I want more.
My body is being seduced by the dance floor.
I wanna get down till the break of dawn.
So let the night cover me with its cloak,
Hold me close,
Let my lover the dance floor make me high.
Let me dance!

Finally

Finally I can say,
My heart is soothed,
Bitterness that took root has been pulled out roots and all,
Am letting thoughts of inspiration flow like water through me,
Removing the debris of what we had.
I’m letting go of the anger and pain,
I can afford to smile again.
I let forgiveness wash the salt off my wounds.
We will never be friends like we used to,
That requires trust and guess what don’t trust you
With my heart no more.
You were careless with it, broke it
Yet you claimed you loved me.
You know why am strong.
Because I deserve better,
And I finally woke up, smelt the coffee and moved on.
So am taking the bits and pieces of my heart,
That were scattered,
Putting them back together.
For you there’s a sign,
“No through road “ and “STOP”.
There’s no road open through my heartland anymore,
Am putting up barriers, road under construction.
Am a fighter and one day when
This road that goes through my heart opens,
I will get a better class of driver driving on that road.
The tears, the drama, the heartache,
It’s all behind me like a bad road trip,
On a road full of potholes driving at full speed,
With a drunken matatu driver who doesn’t give a hoot.
I laughed and I cried,
But finally am able to raise my head.
I will get through this journey.

Resurrection.

You spread your hands out in love,
Chose not to love yourself more then I.
You choose the hard life, sad life,
A life that you did not deserve,
That’s how much you loved me.
Your love was not without a personal price,
You laid it down for me,
That my life may be raised up.
As I look at the picture of you on that cross,
Your head scarred with a crown of thorns,
Your body stripped of flesh,
Your hands and feet with nails to hold you up
Your side pouring its contents to the ground.
You showed your love for me,
Died a death of shame,
That I may live a life of victory.
But you rose again, that I may know,
That death is not the end,
Only a beginning.
I look to your cross always,
My symbol of victory.

Love died on the battlefield.

We should talk.
Put down our weapons,
bring down our mental shields.
No one wants to take the blame for bringing us down.
It's a war of words, no one wants to back down.
We are on guard looking for weaknesses
In the others defense to strike.
You did this, I didnt do that.
Tired of all the mental fights in my head.
Playing chess with arguements so that I may move ahead.
It doesn't matter who won the fight
Because in the end we both lost.
Love died on the battlefield
Where we tried to settle our differences with weapons of words
That were sharper then any sword.
Limping off the battlefield I wonder,
Was the war over love worth it?
Did we break the peace only to lose something precious
That now is dead and cant be rescusitated.
Love died on the battlefield.

My heart is dialling your number

I miss you.
I know I shouldn’t.
I want to pick up the phone and call.
Pride won’t let me.
Words were said, feelings were hurt.
Trying to move on, but invisible strings keep putting me back.
Logic has nothing to do with what I feel.
Logic dictates that I move forward,
Many fish in the sea waiting to be caught.
My heart insists that there’s only one knight in shining armor for me.
Letting go is harder than staying.
But it was time to stop living a fairytale.
In real life things don’t always work out
People don’t always live happily ever after,
Just because they are in love.
They fight, break up, make up and sometimes breakups are final.
So I want to call,
My heart is dialing your number
But my brain is refusing to connect the call.
So another day goes,
And sanity slowly returns.

Les miserable.

I hate being miserable. Its sits on me like a second skin and I can feel its invisible weight pulling me down. I almost feel like wearing all black, wearing black makeup and black nailpolish just to symbolize how down and out I am. Funny I was a goth once, a happy one and I wore all black except for black lipstick. Never mind that black is slimming for a proportionally blessed gal like me. Oh I digressed.

Nothing at this point seems to be working everything just seems to be wearing me out. School, work and relationships. Fatigue is my new best friend and I am so close to meltdown it takes everything I have in me to keep moving instead of stopping and letting everything crash around me. Considering how I have often oscillilated between being a pessimist and optimist being in one extreme shouldnt I be ok with being miserable.

I have to say misery brings out my creative side. They say that creative genious most often comes in the low then in the highs. You only have to look at most best selling novelists or famous artists when they did their best works they were down on luck, emotions or about to give up.

Maybe this time next year, ten years from now I will look back and thank God for this time for it made me a success . I would sure hope so. I would hate to think that all the misery I am going through is for nothing. All the added weight that I am gaining would be for naught. Did I forget to mention I really eat when am miserable? There goes the almost two years of disciplining myself not to emotional eat and losing weight. I need to get my act together but not today. Am to fatigued to pull the strands of my life together today. Maybe tomorrow I reach for a pen and chocolate.

With age though I have realised that misery doesnt look good on me as it used to. I have gotten addicted to being a optimist so being miserable is a drag. I want to smile and encourage someone even in this situation. I know am not alone in this. I want to get out. I want to be positive. So I keep pumping myself with music and audio mp3's on being positive. Then things dont seem so bad. I know this season of misery will pass and when it does I want to say I did it with grace. Things will get better. Tuko pamoja.

Daddy

Little legs following big legs, trying to catch up. Madonna smile that looks up at a hero. Love that radiates from knowing that she is loved and cherished. She sits on a small stool in her father's kiosk, watchs transations of goods and money. Lifted up to the grill to help her daddy sell. She gets rewarded with sweets and crisps. Play with friends and when she falls she runs to him to make it better. Sickness comes and she cant breathe. Dad stays at her side at the hospital bed, holding her hand when they inject the needle with medicine to make the chest better. She is bad, bad little gal doing what daddy says what is wrong.she is disciplined, brought to line with some tough love. But while her bottom is still smanting from the belt, he holds her and tells her I love you. I just want you to do the right thing. And though there's pain friendship is restored. And chanda na pete they remain. Till that fateful day when death sought to separate them, but death where is thy sting? Real love doesnt end with death. You were my friend, my teacher, my mentor. My Daddy. I will always love you, respect what you did for me. I will always look back at our ten years together and thank God for having you in my life. 1950 - 1990.

Today

Today.
Brand new, unwrapped day.
I love the smell of the new.
It smells of possibilities.
Let me unwrap my dreams for today
And lay them out.
Umm that looks good,
The colours and detail of the picture of what I want to do.
The smell of expectation,
That sweet aroma of plans coming together.
Today I turn the vapor of the ideas in my head,
Into steam that fuels my momentum.
Steam to make solid the foundations of my tomorrows.
Today’s brand new,
Brand new clay to work with.
So today let me shape my dreams.
Let me enjoy the experience
And design my day into something beautiful.

Heartbreak harvest

Why is it that you cause me pain

Yet I still cling to you?

You rip my heart out

And play with it like a toy,

Yet for you it still calls.

I cannot understand this love

That cuts me deep,

Every time I think of you.

I exsosize you,

Like a ghost

You haunt me, my dreams.

I rationalize, philophize, pray, strategize.

But you don’t leave my mind/heart

Why, I ask

Does my heart call out to you?

When I know that all I will reap

Is pain when you leave yet again?

Why is it?



raylitpoems 2003

sometimes

Sometimes it rains when I thought the sun
would shine and brighten my day
and it ruins my day
I wish that I could control the seasons
make them do what I will.
Sometimes I wish that I could turn back the clock
and change my destiny.
it is hard to cope with things
that I cannot control,
things that have hurt me
and caused me pain
but what I choose to do is stand strong
and do my very best
that when I look back at the sands of time
I may know that I did something
I did not let the storm toss me away.
I learnt to lean on God at these times;
I let him anchor me in his love
because he holds my future and the rain both
in his hands.
No matter what happens
I know
one thing is for sure.
God will be right by my side,
watching over me.


raylitpoems 2005

Bliss;
That first kiss that made me tingle.
That taste of chocolate that gives me a sugar high.
The smell of that perfume that makes me feel like a supermodel on the runway.
That music that makes me dance, sing, lift me up when am down.
The smile of my nephew that touches my heart.
Ice cold water or milk on a hot day.
Finding a pair of great shoes in my size and the right price.
Laughing until I cry.
Knowing God loves me unconditionally.
Putting a smile on a loved one's face.
Sharing a meal with the people I love.
Writing a good poem or story.
Impacting someone's life positively.
Seeing my dreams come true.
Being myself, true to me, not hiding behind masks.
Holding a little baby in my arms.
All the little things that make me happy.
Bliss.

African beauty

She awakes with the morning sun,
Walks down to the river,
Her hips swaying gently to an internal rhythm.
Her full luscious lips humming along to a tune as old as time.
The sunlight hits her honey brown oiled skin,
So smooth and flawless it begs to be touched.
Her eyes they hold laughter, twinkling gently with mirth
And her deep dimples they wrinkle as she laughs.
Her natural black hair in cornrows decorated with shells,
And a pot balanced delicately on her head.
Her clothing is simple and it does no justice,
To her full African figure,
Body carved like a beautiful statue,
Plump thighs and breasts and big hips
As she walks, her elegant legs take on
A rhythm, a catwalk.
She is an unrivalled beauty.
An African queen.
She is beauty,
An African woman.


raylitpoems 2004

Clown face.

Bleeding on the inside,
Grinning on the outside.
These are the days of my life.
Days of unwept tears,
And a heart that’s broken.
A smiling mask,
Hides the pain
But loved ones they know,
Understand what’s left unsaid.
I could be a clown,
Entertain with words and stories,
Yet inside there's something broken.
So I stand at the mirror
And apply another layer of non visible makeup.
Makeup of make believe,
That am ok.

My song is playing!

There's the song of my life playing.
Telling the story of my heart,
Of my joys and tears,
Of my life, of unexpected curves and blessings
That made my heart burst.
The song tells the story of my journey of life,
Of the detours, roads that lead to nowhere
And highways to the most beautiful sights.
The story of how I have eaten from the pots of love
And drank from the bitter springs of pain.
I have flown and crashed.
I have cried and laughed.
My song has changed sometimes it rocks,
Sometimes it jazzes, sometimes it blues
And sometimes it’s full of soul.
My song, my song.
I've rapped my story,
Sometimes just played it out of key
And sometimes it’s played so perfect like a violin
That Mozart could have set the music to sheet.
My song hasn’t always been on beat
Or made me want to dance.
But it’s my song.
I will dance to my song when am happy,
Cry when it’s sad,
Clap when it gives an excellent performance.
My song, that’s what’s playing on my brainwaves,
Mefm100.0 right now.
So let my song play Mr. GOD DJ.

Wanna be in love again

I wanna be in love.
Feel that adrenaline rush that makes me hot and cold at the same time.
I want to anticipate that first kiss.
I wanna hold hands and show you off that your mine.
I wanna draw maps on the ground when you make me blush.
Want to smile when I look at your picture
And get excited when you call me.
I want to get mad, glad, and sad about you.
I want to cook for you, fatten you up.
I want to get a big hug
And breathe in your cologne,
Let it work on my senses.
I want to tingle when I think about you.
I wanna write you poetry,
That makes you happy and sometimes blush.
I want to tease you and drive you crazy.
I wanna be in love again.

Broken Lovebones

Fallen down, tumbled down the love mountain.
Wonder, how does someone recover after falling off?
Fall broke all my love bones.
Can’t walk, cant limp, can’t even crawl.
I ache and hurt all over.
Love doctors made a cast but can’t move.
Prescribed painkillers but after a couple of hours the pain is back.
Recovery hospital is hard.
Trying to get back on my feet.
It hurts so much to walk take even a few steps.
It takes all I have to move forward.
Wanna lie down and go into sleeping beauty mode.
Wake up when my prince arrives and wakes me with a kiss.
But I don’t believe in knights in shining armor no more.
Last one made me climb the mountain of love,
Only to discover that all he had were empty promises,
Not real castles or a real future.
So I struggle despite the pain to start walking again,
Slow but sure.
One day I know my lovebones will heal,
I may be tempted to adventure again.
To climb and conquer my now new,
But valid fear of the Love Mountains.

Emotional riot

Nervous.
Butterflies in my stomach.
Heart thumping, beating so fast.
My body was in a state of electrification.
Negative reacting to positive electrons in my brain.
My thoughts fled in different directions.
Trying to be cool yet burning up inside.
Body chemistry creating bombs that wanted to blow.
Sweating because of heat yet freezing,
Because I was feeling my blood run cold.
All this just before meeting for our first date.

Let poetry burn bright - Wamathai04

Let the sparks blow,
Let the dreams flow,
And the poetry stars glow.
Make the fire ignite,
Bringing the words all nite,
Make the rhymes tight,
Let the imaginations take flight,
Soaring in the heard but unseen like a kite.
Transform your imagination,
Give it a transfusion,
Of reality and fantasy to creation,
Of that illusion,
That makes mind confusion,
Caused by word concoction.
Words shall ignite,
Bring forth light
And make the world bright,
In the heat of the night.
So let poetry burn bright,
In the moonlight and sunlight.

Big Big hug from a Big Big GOD.

I feel down, like giving up. My mind feels like crashing, too many thoughts, emotions and things to deal with. It would be so easy to give in to what I feel, what am going through. I could give in to pity, let it drag me down. I could be like poor me; I need some sympathy and comfort.

I choose not to, it’s very tempting and I want to. But I know better been down that road before. Instead am reaching inside of me, for the strength and resolve I have in me. I choose not to give up; I choose not to look at the storms inside and around me.

I choose to look up to a God who said he will take my burdens from me if I will let him. Even though things may not be going my way he has a great plan. He says "For I know the plans I have for you. Plans for good and not to hurt you. Plans for hope and a good future. Jeremiah 29:11"

I choose to trust that he will get me though because I know I can’t get through this alone. I have tried it before and things did not go the way I planned. But when I have trusted that God is watching out for me and is taking care of me I get through it. So I lean on the cross and let it hold my burdens. Then I can afford to smile again.

God I need a big favor right now. I need a Big, Big hug from a Big Big God. Like the one the Cadbury mug gives the person to cheer them up. Thanks.