Fallen down, tumbled down the love mountain.
Wonder, how does someone recover after falling off?
Fall broke all my love bones.
Can’t walk, cant limp, can’t even crawl.
I ache and hurt all over.
Love doctors made a cast but can’t move.
Prescribed painkillers but after a couple of hours the pain is back.
Recovery hospital is hard.
Trying to get back on my feet.
It hurts so much to walk take even a few steps.
It takes all I have to move forward.
Wanna lie down and go into sleeping beauty mode.
Wake up when my prince arrives and wakes me with a kiss.
But I don’t believe in knights in shining armor no more.
Last one made me climb the mountain of love,
Only to discover that all he had were empty promises,
Not real castles or a real future.
So I struggle despite the pain to start walking again,
Slow but sure.
One day I know my lovebones will heal,
I may be tempted to adventure again.
To climb and conquer my now new,
But valid fear of the Love Mountains.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Emotional riot
Nervous.
Butterflies in my stomach.
Heart thumping, beating so fast.
My body was in a state of electrification.
Negative reacting to positive electrons in my brain.
My thoughts fled in different directions.
Trying to be cool yet burning up inside.
Body chemistry creating bombs that wanted to blow.
Sweating because of heat yet freezing,
Because I was feeling my blood run cold.
All this just before meeting for our first date.
Butterflies in my stomach.
Heart thumping, beating so fast.
My body was in a state of electrification.
Negative reacting to positive electrons in my brain.
My thoughts fled in different directions.
Trying to be cool yet burning up inside.
Body chemistry creating bombs that wanted to blow.
Sweating because of heat yet freezing,
Because I was feeling my blood run cold.
All this just before meeting for our first date.
Let poetry burn bright - Wamathai04
Let the sparks blow,
Let the dreams flow,
And the poetry stars glow.
Make the fire ignite,
Bringing the words all nite,
Make the rhymes tight,
Let the imaginations take flight,
Soaring in the heard but unseen like a kite.
Transform your imagination,
Give it a transfusion,
Of reality and fantasy to creation,
Of that illusion,
That makes mind confusion,
Caused by word concoction.
Words shall ignite,
Bring forth light
And make the world bright,
In the heat of the night.
So let poetry burn bright,
In the moonlight and sunlight.
Let the dreams flow,
And the poetry stars glow.
Make the fire ignite,
Bringing the words all nite,
Make the rhymes tight,
Let the imaginations take flight,
Soaring in the heard but unseen like a kite.
Transform your imagination,
Give it a transfusion,
Of reality and fantasy to creation,
Of that illusion,
That makes mind confusion,
Caused by word concoction.
Words shall ignite,
Bring forth light
And make the world bright,
In the heat of the night.
So let poetry burn bright,
In the moonlight and sunlight.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Big Big hug from a Big Big GOD.
I feel down, like giving up. My mind feels like crashing, too many thoughts, emotions and things to deal with. It would be so easy to give in to what I feel, what am going through. I could give in to pity, let it drag me down. I could be like poor me; I need some sympathy and comfort.
I choose not to, it’s very tempting and I want to. But I know better been down that road before. Instead am reaching inside of me, for the strength and resolve I have in me. I choose not to give up; I choose not to look at the storms inside and around me.
I choose to look up to a God who said he will take my burdens from me if I will let him. Even though things may not be going my way he has a great plan. He says "For I know the plans I have for you. Plans for good and not to hurt you. Plans for hope and a good future. Jeremiah 29:11"
I choose to trust that he will get me though because I know I can’t get through this alone. I have tried it before and things did not go the way I planned. But when I have trusted that God is watching out for me and is taking care of me I get through it. So I lean on the cross and let it hold my burdens. Then I can afford to smile again.
God I need a big favor right now. I need a Big, Big hug from a Big Big God. Like the one the Cadbury mug gives the person to cheer them up. Thanks.
I choose not to, it’s very tempting and I want to. But I know better been down that road before. Instead am reaching inside of me, for the strength and resolve I have in me. I choose not to give up; I choose not to look at the storms inside and around me.
I choose to look up to a God who said he will take my burdens from me if I will let him. Even though things may not be going my way he has a great plan. He says "For I know the plans I have for you. Plans for good and not to hurt you. Plans for hope and a good future. Jeremiah 29:11"
I choose to trust that he will get me though because I know I can’t get through this alone. I have tried it before and things did not go the way I planned. But when I have trusted that God is watching out for me and is taking care of me I get through it. So I lean on the cross and let it hold my burdens. Then I can afford to smile again.
God I need a big favor right now. I need a Big, Big hug from a Big Big God. Like the one the Cadbury mug gives the person to cheer them up. Thanks.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Letting go!
Let's be true, say whats in the heart. Let me not lie and say I dont want to hate you. I do but I wont. I dont wanna be bitter, let the anger and hurt burn out the good emotions in me, till all I have left acid emotion that corrodes my heart. Tired of the pain, I want to move forward. So I reach out and forgive you. Its not for you, its for me that I may be free. Slowly, I let happiness back into my heart.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Baby blues
Maggie waited impatiently for Daniel to arrive. She couldn’t wait to give him the news and she wondered how he would take the news. She wondered if this was just what she needed. She had felt Dan slipping away but had never suspected what she found out last night.
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Last night or rather evening Dan had gone out jogging and left his phone in the house. Maggie was busy cooking in the kitchen thinking sadly how it would be nice to have the pitter patter of little feet in the house. She couldn’t believe that they had been married for seven years and no children yet.
Maggie had given up her career as a nursery school teacher when she married Daniel. Daniel was from a wealthy family and she had meet him when he came to pick his nephew from school. Daniel had said it was love at first sight but it wasn’t for her. She was from a poor family and she did not believe in fairy tales where rich princes married poor cinderellas. Daniel had taken his time and woed her and her family. He had swept aside her objections and made her fall for him.
Maggie had planned to have children immediately but nothing seemed to materialis. Daniel told her not to worry the children would come. She felt helpless having nothing to do so she started gardening and putting her life into managing the huge shamba that they had been given for a wedding present.
Maggie and daniel had started getting worried in the third year when nothing was happening. They went to a doctor and maggie was found to be ok. Daniel was found to have a low sperm count but he was given medicine to help with that. The only problem is that he always made it seem that she had the problem. But because Daniel was the breadwinner and everything and she did not want to make him look like less of a man she kept quiet.
As she was working in the kitchen and thinking about the past Daniel’s phone rang. She usually did not pick his phone so she continued what she was doing. It rang constistenly, being cut and called again. She went to the sitting room to get the phone and tell the person that daniel was not at home. But by the time she did it was off. Then she saw a flashing message. Maybe it was the same person. Dan was such an important busy person. Maybe it was a client wanting to get intouch. Dan would be upset if he missed out on an important deal.
Maggie punched in his security code, he had never changed it all the time she had known him but there was no need. They trusted each other with stuff like that. What she saw made her have to seat down.
“darling I am just from the doctor. I am so excited. I am pregnant and It is going to be a baby boy. We can name him Kamau like your father. I will be waiting for you tomorrow night. Cant wait to see my baby daddy again. Love you loads and loads.”
Kamau was Dan’s father so there was no wishing that the sms was a mistake. Maggie felt pain like she had never felt it. She felt like someone had ripped out her heart. She could not believe it. She sat on the sofa and cried and cried.
Fortunately she remembered that she was in the middle of cooking and that dan was due any moment. She deleted the message knowing that there was no way Dan would not notice that his message had been read if the person asked him. “ let her think that the message did not reach.
That night as she slept beside the man she had loved, a man she thought would never betray her she felt the stirring of hatred. “after all I have done to keep quiet and allow kamau to pretend that I am the one with the problem, he goes out and has an affair. And the slut is pregnant. What am I going to do?”
In the morning she called her sister Mary . Her sister was going to have her fourth baby and was heavily pregnant. She had married a friend of Dan’s. When she explained what was going on, her sister told her not to cry. “my dear, this is not the time for tears. If you allow yourself to wallow in it, you shall lose the battle. Come here right now I will have thought of something.”
Maggie went to visit Mary and mary hatched a plan. It was only a short term plan but they would think of a long term solution later. The idea was to make sure Daniel did not leave her for the other woman. It had to work because maggie did not know what she would do if it didn’t. the sisters went to the pharmacy to get some things and then they went for lunch.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
It was seven o’clock and maggie was waiting for dan to come home. She had called him at lunch time and told him there was something she had to tell him, exciting news. Dan asked her , “cant it wait until I come home later. You know today is the night I hang out with tbe boys?”
Maggie told him it was something that couldn’t wait. He asked her to tell him on the phone but she said it was something she had to tell him in person. “fine,” he said, “ I will pass by there then see if I will get time to go see my boys?”
Maggie took a bubble bath and had some wine while she was there to calm her nerves. “ will it work? Will it work?” She thought. she wore a dress that was a favourite of Dan’s and the perfume he loved. She had prepared a delicious meal for him and all she wanted was for him to come.
When daniel arrived she rushed to get him a drink. He was clearly impatient to be off to see his “boys.”
“maggie just tell me what’s up? Whats with the romantic lighting and the sexy clothes? I told you I have to go.”
“I was going to tell you after dinner and show your surprise.but since you are so impatient let me bring it so that you can see it. “
Maggie rushed to the room and brought something to the table.
“what is it?” dan said impatiently.
“it’s a pregnancy test and its positive. Actually I took two just to be sure. We are going to have a baby. Isnt that the most exciting news in the world. We are finally going to be parents “
That shut Daniel up. He was speechless and could not say everything. Maggie saw the fake smile that he pasted on his face and inside she laughed. Daniel said that in light of the news he would not be going out. He went to the sitting room and brought out a bottle of scotch and started drinking it.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Later as they were in bed with each of them trying to pretend that they were sleeping Maggie thought. I have caught you. Now to plan B. she smiled and as she went to sleep she gave thanks to God for a clever, pregnant sister.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Last night or rather evening Dan had gone out jogging and left his phone in the house. Maggie was busy cooking in the kitchen thinking sadly how it would be nice to have the pitter patter of little feet in the house. She couldn’t believe that they had been married for seven years and no children yet.
Maggie had given up her career as a nursery school teacher when she married Daniel. Daniel was from a wealthy family and she had meet him when he came to pick his nephew from school. Daniel had said it was love at first sight but it wasn’t for her. She was from a poor family and she did not believe in fairy tales where rich princes married poor cinderellas. Daniel had taken his time and woed her and her family. He had swept aside her objections and made her fall for him.
Maggie had planned to have children immediately but nothing seemed to materialis. Daniel told her not to worry the children would come. She felt helpless having nothing to do so she started gardening and putting her life into managing the huge shamba that they had been given for a wedding present.
Maggie and daniel had started getting worried in the third year when nothing was happening. They went to a doctor and maggie was found to be ok. Daniel was found to have a low sperm count but he was given medicine to help with that. The only problem is that he always made it seem that she had the problem. But because Daniel was the breadwinner and everything and she did not want to make him look like less of a man she kept quiet.
As she was working in the kitchen and thinking about the past Daniel’s phone rang. She usually did not pick his phone so she continued what she was doing. It rang constistenly, being cut and called again. She went to the sitting room to get the phone and tell the person that daniel was not at home. But by the time she did it was off. Then she saw a flashing message. Maybe it was the same person. Dan was such an important busy person. Maybe it was a client wanting to get intouch. Dan would be upset if he missed out on an important deal.
Maggie punched in his security code, he had never changed it all the time she had known him but there was no need. They trusted each other with stuff like that. What she saw made her have to seat down.
“darling I am just from the doctor. I am so excited. I am pregnant and It is going to be a baby boy. We can name him Kamau like your father. I will be waiting for you tomorrow night. Cant wait to see my baby daddy again. Love you loads and loads.”
Kamau was Dan’s father so there was no wishing that the sms was a mistake. Maggie felt pain like she had never felt it. She felt like someone had ripped out her heart. She could not believe it. She sat on the sofa and cried and cried.
Fortunately she remembered that she was in the middle of cooking and that dan was due any moment. She deleted the message knowing that there was no way Dan would not notice that his message had been read if the person asked him. “ let her think that the message did not reach.
That night as she slept beside the man she had loved, a man she thought would never betray her she felt the stirring of hatred. “after all I have done to keep quiet and allow kamau to pretend that I am the one with the problem, he goes out and has an affair. And the slut is pregnant. What am I going to do?”
In the morning she called her sister Mary . Her sister was going to have her fourth baby and was heavily pregnant. She had married a friend of Dan’s. When she explained what was going on, her sister told her not to cry. “my dear, this is not the time for tears. If you allow yourself to wallow in it, you shall lose the battle. Come here right now I will have thought of something.”
Maggie went to visit Mary and mary hatched a plan. It was only a short term plan but they would think of a long term solution later. The idea was to make sure Daniel did not leave her for the other woman. It had to work because maggie did not know what she would do if it didn’t. the sisters went to the pharmacy to get some things and then they went for lunch.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
It was seven o’clock and maggie was waiting for dan to come home. She had called him at lunch time and told him there was something she had to tell him, exciting news. Dan asked her , “cant it wait until I come home later. You know today is the night I hang out with tbe boys?”
Maggie told him it was something that couldn’t wait. He asked her to tell him on the phone but she said it was something she had to tell him in person. “fine,” he said, “ I will pass by there then see if I will get time to go see my boys?”
Maggie took a bubble bath and had some wine while she was there to calm her nerves. “ will it work? Will it work?” She thought. she wore a dress that was a favourite of Dan’s and the perfume he loved. She had prepared a delicious meal for him and all she wanted was for him to come.
When daniel arrived she rushed to get him a drink. He was clearly impatient to be off to see his “boys.”
“maggie just tell me what’s up? Whats with the romantic lighting and the sexy clothes? I told you I have to go.”
“I was going to tell you after dinner and show your surprise.but since you are so impatient let me bring it so that you can see it. “
Maggie rushed to the room and brought something to the table.
“what is it?” dan said impatiently.
“it’s a pregnancy test and its positive. Actually I took two just to be sure. We are going to have a baby. Isnt that the most exciting news in the world. We are finally going to be parents “
That shut Daniel up. He was speechless and could not say everything. Maggie saw the fake smile that he pasted on his face and inside she laughed. Daniel said that in light of the news he would not be going out. He went to the sitting room and brought out a bottle of scotch and started drinking it.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Later as they were in bed with each of them trying to pretend that they were sleeping Maggie thought. I have caught you. Now to plan B. she smiled and as she went to sleep she gave thanks to God for a clever, pregnant sister.
Friday, March 25, 2011
ILLUSIONS
Smiles
That hide hurt, despair, depression,
We walk around with.
We laugh, but the laughter doesn’t reach our eyes.
Our hearts hurt,
But we don’t want to break down,
We don’t want to have to tell our stories,
Because the telling of it,
Makes it more tangible,
Makes the losses, the pain, more real.
We hide behind polite masks,
That are illusions,
Of what’s going on inside.
For if we show it,
Show the madness that’s inside,the despair
Some will rejoice at our downfall,
Others will use it to feed the rumourmill
Or usurp our power,
Because we are at our weakest point.
So we pretend that everything is good,
Yet little by little we die inside,
With big smiles plastered on our faces.
That hide hurt, despair, depression,
We walk around with.
We laugh, but the laughter doesn’t reach our eyes.
Our hearts hurt,
But we don’t want to break down,
We don’t want to have to tell our stories,
Because the telling of it,
Makes it more tangible,
Makes the losses, the pain, more real.
We hide behind polite masks,
That are illusions,
Of what’s going on inside.
For if we show it,
Show the madness that’s inside,the despair
Some will rejoice at our downfall,
Others will use it to feed the rumourmill
Or usurp our power,
Because we are at our weakest point.
So we pretend that everything is good,
Yet little by little we die inside,
With big smiles plastered on our faces.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Soul chasing
I wonder if my soul leaked out
And ran when my heart broke and bleed out my emotions.
There's something missing,
Because my heart isn’t ticking quite right.
All the joy that was in me,
That painted my landscapes in vivid, living colour is painted black,
And my dreams trapped in space,
Can’t catch them in my sleep.
All my castles in the air crashed, leaving dust, ash and regret
Where once lofty dreams perched.
I hope my soul run to ride on a dragon's tail,
To have adventures to chase away bitter tears, heartbreak.
I hope my soul went to look for joy,
To make a numb heart leap again.
My mind might then move forward from its emotional wasteland,
When my soul returns with renewed energy.
Then my mind, body, soul and emotions will agree on a path
Moving forward, healed and rejuvenated,
Towards the fate I have embraced.
And ran when my heart broke and bleed out my emotions.
There's something missing,
Because my heart isn’t ticking quite right.
All the joy that was in me,
That painted my landscapes in vivid, living colour is painted black,
And my dreams trapped in space,
Can’t catch them in my sleep.
All my castles in the air crashed, leaving dust, ash and regret
Where once lofty dreams perched.
I hope my soul run to ride on a dragon's tail,
To have adventures to chase away bitter tears, heartbreak.
I hope my soul went to look for joy,
To make a numb heart leap again.
My mind might then move forward from its emotional wasteland,
When my soul returns with renewed energy.
Then my mind, body, soul and emotions will agree on a path
Moving forward, healed and rejuvenated,
Towards the fate I have embraced.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
confessions
I want,
Your light to shine in me and through me,
Brighter then the sun,
When they look, see you inside me.
But I am weak,
I need your love, your spirit to fill me,
Saturate the whole of me,
Make me whole again,
Because I can't give what I dont have.
Sometimes I feel so broken,
that I cant stand, raise my head up high,
But you know me,
You created me for a purpose,
You know the way I feel, hurt, despair.
You lift me up,
Restore my mind, heart and body.
Let your love burn inside me,
Chase away my insecurities, my feelings of unworth.
Let me see me the way you see me.
A masterpiece, a one of a kind creation.
I feel sometimes like am paddling,
when I should be swimming
But am grateful am not drowning,
one day I will attempt to walk on water,
One day my faith will be that big.
Renew my mind, my will to live for you.
Change me, mold me, transform me,
Into a disciple who walks in your footsteps.
Your light to shine in me and through me,
Brighter then the sun,
When they look, see you inside me.
But I am weak,
I need your love, your spirit to fill me,
Saturate the whole of me,
Make me whole again,
Because I can't give what I dont have.
Sometimes I feel so broken,
that I cant stand, raise my head up high,
But you know me,
You created me for a purpose,
You know the way I feel, hurt, despair.
You lift me up,
Restore my mind, heart and body.
Let your love burn inside me,
Chase away my insecurities, my feelings of unworth.
Let me see me the way you see me.
A masterpiece, a one of a kind creation.
I feel sometimes like am paddling,
when I should be swimming
But am grateful am not drowning,
one day I will attempt to walk on water,
One day my faith will be that big.
Renew my mind, my will to live for you.
Change me, mold me, transform me,
Into a disciple who walks in your footsteps.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Today!
Am holding onto today,
Desperately trying to get through it without breaking down.
Don't wanna look at yesterday, last month, last year,
6 years ago because I may turn into a pillar of salt, salt tears.
Trying to maintain my composure, block out the pain.
Its time to move on, but it hurts, leaving you behind.
Love hurts, breaks the heart sometimes.
I don't hate you! I love you still
But it wasn't working no more.
I gotta map my future alone,
Without you in it, though I go at it,
With a missing piece of my heart,
Heart that I gave you.
I'm holding on to today,
Trying to be strong, because I can't glance back to yesterday
Or try to take a peak at tomorrow without you,
Because I may stumble,
The pain is just too great.
Holding on desperately, to today!
raylitpoems 2011
Desperately trying to get through it without breaking down.
Don't wanna look at yesterday, last month, last year,
6 years ago because I may turn into a pillar of salt, salt tears.
Trying to maintain my composure, block out the pain.
Its time to move on, but it hurts, leaving you behind.
Love hurts, breaks the heart sometimes.
I don't hate you! I love you still
But it wasn't working no more.
I gotta map my future alone,
Without you in it, though I go at it,
With a missing piece of my heart,
Heart that I gave you.
I'm holding on to today,
Trying to be strong, because I can't glance back to yesterday
Or try to take a peak at tomorrow without you,
Because I may stumble,
The pain is just too great.
Holding on desperately, to today!
raylitpoems 2011
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