Monday, April 30, 2012


I have made so many mistakes,
Sometimes they overwhelm me.
I could have Olympic events for the mistakes I have made,
The way they tell it they all have bragging rights,
Many to win gold.
Sometimes I look back and cringe,

What the hell was I thinking?
The problem with life,
Once you make a mistake,
There is no eraser that can rub out the mistake.
I look forward,
But my past still haunts me,
It’s like the road I travel,
Still have bumps from the past.
I can’t erase the past,
I can only create today,
And hope when I look back,
My achievements will outweigh my mistakes,
Become a mountain of hope,
And let my mistakes be sands in the winds of time.

redemption part 1

Kristi sat on the marble top of the sinks at the toilets and cried. Huge sobs that shook her body. Her mascara ran down her face leaving streaks of black on her light chocolate complexion. Her nose started running and as she dug into her bag she saw her face in the mirror.

Oh how the mighty have fallen, she thought. No one who knew me would recognize me. Kristi's weave was shaggy and unkempt. The roots of her hair were showing. Her eyes were glittery red, bloodshot. Her lips were swollen, covered in red lipstick that had been bitten off as she cried. Her nose was running and the effect of a running nose, mascara streaks and red shot eyes made her look scary, in a mad sort of way.

"What am I doing here, in a dinghy bar on the wrong side of town? I wish I could turn back the clock" Kristi thought.
Loud knocking on the bathroom door startled her out of her thoughts.

Ben her boyfriend shouted, “Hurry up Kristi we are going to another bar to drink. If you don’t get out now we are leaving."

Kristi wished she could tell Ben to go to hell and take his friends with him but she didn’t have any money to get home on her own. Funny how her knight in shining armor had turned into the devil himself.

Kristi shouted back "I am coming" she wiped her nose then washed her face, and reapplied her lipstick. She put a fake smile on her face as she walked out of the toilets knowing Ben would not like it if she had been crying. Ben was outside the toilet smoking some weed and laughing with his friends.

Sunday, April 29, 2012

African leaders are two faced politicians

African leaders and Kenyan leaders especially love the west when it’s convenient which means when they are begging for aid, when they are trying to get into the next government so they need “democracy”, when they are looking for asylum and when they are trying to hide their looted millions.

In all other cases they act with bravado like they don’t need them. Our politicians are two faced even with the ICC. When it seemed like they would get away with murder and the ICC seemed so far away they were for it but now that they are in it they are against being tried at the ICC.

Now that some Kenyan politicians are facing charges internationally and their charges have been confirmed the ICC becomes very western and they decide they need a friendlier African court. Our politicians are chameleons, two faced. They change with the environment. But it is never for our good, it is for their own good.

Its time for us to campaign for leaders who don’t pretend to care about us. The kind of leaders who show us their clown face and smile with us and behind our backs they are stabbing us in the back. Making deals in their own interests, bringing the country to its knees with violence or poverty. Kenyans deserve better.

We deserve leaders who will put the country first and them second. But we must fight for such leaders. It is very easy to get bad, mediocre leaders. They are everywhere already. But getting leaders with integrity (which doesn’t been that they have done bad things but just haven’t been caught.) needs collective effort. We need to look beyond our tribes, socio-economic classes, education, biases, and prejudices.

Oh yeah and we need a lot of prayer. Divine intervention because to be honest what we have to work with right now is not promising. We need God to show us new leaders like the way he choose David to be King. He was not an obvious choice when you looked at his brothers but he turned out to be the best King Israel ever had.

Love, hair and loss

Susan looked at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were red and puffy. Her normally well groomed hair was shaggy. She took a sip of her glass of wine. She had been drinking since dawn. Today was supposed to be her wedding day. Right now she was supposed to be on her honeymoon. Tony her fiancé had told her he planned to surprise her well he had surprised her all right.


They met at a party. Susan was looking great. She had worn a red clinging dress that showed her curves to perfection. Her hair, her crowning glory reached her shoulders. She was standing at a corner waiting for a colleague to come back with food.

“Is your hair real” she heard a deep voice asking.

Susan turned and looked to the man who had asked the question. The man was tall, around six feet. He was ordinary looking, not classically handsome, but he had a smile that lit up his face and made him look handsome.

Susan said “yes it is. Cant you tell the difference?” she smiled.

The man said “nowadays you can’t tell. It usually looks so real until you touch it or rather until you are told not to mess with it because it cost a lot to put in.”

“Forgive me for my rudeness. My name is Tony.”

And that is how it started. They chatted, and then exchanged numbers. Tony asked her out for a date. They had a great time. After going for a couple of dates Tony asked her to be his girlfriend.

After dating for 2 years Tony asked Susan to marry him and she accepted.


Susan was doing last round planning for her wedding. Things were going well. In two weeks time she was getting married. She couldn’t wait to be Tony’s. She had already given her landlord notice. She was at a beauty salon at the moment having her hair done. She was waiting for her best friend. They were supposed to be leaving for a trip to Nanyuki. Susan’s friends had decided that they should go out of town for her bridal shower and party for the last time before she became a married woman.

Angela, her best friend called and said that she had been called back to work for an emergency so they couldn’t leave that Friday evening. They would have to leave early on Saturday morning. Angela asked her whether she would prefer to go with her other friends who were driving down later that evening. She said no she would wait.

Susan decided to get a massage, pedicure, manicure and facial since there was no hurry. By the time she was done it was around 6 O’clock. She met her sister for dinner since they weren’t going off that weekend. At about 10 pm as they drove home in Susan’s car she decided she should surprise Tony and visit. She hadn’t told him that the trip had been postponed He had said he would be home because he had some projects to finish. She asked her sister to drop her at Tony’s then pick her early in the morning to head to Nanyuki.

Susan could hear music blaring from Tony’s house. She smiled. Tony loved to listen to music. She opened the door with her keys and went in. in the sitting room there was a bottle of whiskey and a couple of glasses. Tony wasn’t there.

He must be in the bedroom thought Susan. She went towards the bedroom and as she reached it heard something that sounded like moaning. It didn’t hit her what that noise was until she opened the bedroom door and there was Tony, her soon to be bridegroom on top of a woman having sex.

Susan was so shocked she dropped the bottle of wine she had bought on her way to Tony’s. It fell down and shattered. The noise startled Tony and he looked up. Susan locked eyes with Tony for a few seconds. The look on Tony’s face was full of surprise, regret, and shock.

Susan ran off with Tony running after her. He asked her to stop. He could explain. Susan did not want to listen. She got out of the house and ran until she saw a taxi. She told the taxi driver to take her to her best friend’s house. She couldn’t go home.


As she looked at herself in the mirror she remembered the last two weeks. Tony had called her repeatedly but she refused to answer the phone. Finally she had told Angela to deal with him. She had cancelled the wedding and told her family she wasn’t getting married. Her friends and family were shocked. Most of them stood by her but some were saying she should get married. That’s how men are; it’s not worth losing a good man.

Susan operated on automatic pilot. As she looked at herself in the mirror she came to a decision. She went to her drawers and got out a pair of scissors. She was in so much pain she didn’t know if this was the right decision but she was going to do it. She took the scissors and cut off her long hair. She was left with about a two inches of hair.

When she was done Susan held her hair in her hand and cried. It didn’t change anything but in a way she felt better. That’s when she knew that she would survive this. She couldn’t forgive Tony but she could move on with her life.

Monday, April 16, 2012

The beat goes on!

My heart is like that of a child,
It weeps at hurt,
And bows over with emotional pain.
My mind is a soldier,
It keeps matching on,
No time for casualties,
No time for pain.
There is no time to be weak,
My mind tells my heart,
Keep moving soldier.
In the background,
As mind chastises heart,
The beat goes on by the whispers plays.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Love & snake skin

You’re stuck to me like glue,
I want to shed you like a snake sheds its skin,
But you cling to me.
It’s not physical but mental this hold you have on me.
I am trying to forget you,
I wish I could claim amnesia,
But your memories are sharp.
How do you do it?
Get under my skin again,
After I have worked hard to remove you from my hard disk,
I called you a love virus,
And it’s true,
You must be hiding where my antivirus can’t get you.
Immediately I delete one file about you,
And think you’re gone,
I blink and there you are again.
Haunting me.
I want,
Many things I want,
But what I want most I can’t get.
I am like a wanderer in the desert without water,
Dying of thirst that cant be quenched.
Will I ever breathe?
Get my groove back
Or will you forever haunt me,
The love I had for you stick to me like glue,
A coat that refuses to be shed.
Will I ever be free,
Or is this my doomed existence?

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Daddy love (RIP)

I will love you forever,
Because distance, time and death cant change what I feel for you.
I loved you so,
You were my first superhero,
The one I believed could do anything.
I believed in you, you were larger then life.
Then you were gone,
Before I was grown, before I could say goodbye.
A careless drunk driver changed our family forever.
22 years later I still mourn you.
All that we were and all that we could have been,
And all that we missed being. I miss you,
Miss being Daddy's little girl.
I will always love you, miss you and cherish you.
You were one of a kind
And I will never forget you.
Rest in Peace Daddy until we meet again in heaven.

My third birthday. My dad, brother and I.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

I want to believe in love

I want to believe in love,
Believe that love conquers.
I want to believe that love makes every day worth living,
That it slays dragons
And turns ordinary maidens into princesses and Queen.
I want to believe that love can turn a frog into a prince through a kiss
Or turn an ordinary man into a knight, a hero.
I want to believe in love,
Like I used to believe in fairy tales.
Sadly I lost my belief in magic,
And in love.
I want to believe in love,
In happily ever after
But the magic is gone and I no longer do.
I no longer believe in love
But I desperately want to believe in it.